How To Be WellnStrong

106: The Power of a Woman's Words | Sharon Jaynes

• Jacqueline Genova • Episode 106

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Have you ever noticed how much the words you hear — and the ones you repeat to yourself — shape the way you live? In this episode, I’m sitting down with Sharon Jaynes, author of The Power of a Woman’s Words. We talk about what it really means to take your thoughts captive, how to recognize the lies you’ve been carrying, and how to gently replace them with truth that brings peace instead of pressure. Sharon also shares how one voice of encouragement changed the direction of her life, and offers simple, faith-rooted ways to start speaking to yourself with more clarity, kindness, and intention. If you’ve been stuck in negative thought patterns, this conversation will feel like a deep breath.


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*Unedited Transcript*

Jac: [00:00:00] Well, Sharon, you have written so many books and just for context, you might be wondering, you know, why did I reach out? I found one of your older books, I think you wrote this, what, mid two thousands? Um, the Power of A Woman's Words, and Sharon, I can't recall who had gifted me this book, but it just sat on my bookshelf for years and years and I finally had a chance to take it out and read it, and I could not put it down.

Sharon: Oh, thank you.

Jac: after the first chapter, I immediately was like, I wanna have this woman on my podcast. So I obviously reached out and again, here we are. But I'm so thankful for your time today. I'm so excited to unwrap this book. I know you've written what, like 25 or so books, but this is again, one of my all time favorites.

Um, so I kind of wanna focus the conversation around this one today.

Sharon: it's interesting because this book is, uh, next year will have its 20th anniversary and, um, yeah, and it's still, it's been my, the best seller of all 26 books, um, and just keeps [00:01:00] resonating

with people. 

Jac: was this your first book share and what was like your very first

Sharon: Oh, my very first book that was called At Home With God, and as I joke now, that book is now at home with God. So, um, it was, um, uh, one outta print. It needed to go outta print, but it, um, it just had mainly stories. More of a, a devotional type story. And then the first, I hate to say real book, but the, the one that's still in print now was.

Being a great mom, raising great kids. Um, so that one's one of my very, very first, um, books and now that kid that I was raising is an adult.

Jac: Oh,

Sharon: so, um, it's, it's kind of fun going back and, and looking at some of those, those early writings. It's still applicable today. I mean, truth is truth and, um, that part doesn't change.

Um, but yeah, that was one of my, my very first books writing in the, in the throes of, I think my son, he was in. Middle [00:02:00] school of when I actually wrote the book, I often joke and say I should have waited a little bit longer before

Jac: It worked out. How many, how many kids do you have?

Sharon: I just have one.

Jac: Just the one. Is he in, is he in North Carolina as well?

Sharon: No, he is in Chicago.

Can you believe that? 

He grew up without my permission and um, he 

lives like 645 miles away. I can't remember exactly what it is, but on my website, yeah, I have it, have it written down exactly how far. So he's really called, it's colder in Chicago right now as

we're recording then it's in the Antarctica.

So, 

Jac: hit with the snow last week?

Sharon: yeah, he did. And, um, just really, really cold. I mean, and 

the. The minus coldness. So, you know, I'll tell him in North Carolina where, um, where I live, I'll say, oh, you know, it was 32 degrees today. And he'll go, mom, that is so cute.

Jac: I understand him. 'cause I told you, I, I moved here from Boston. So it's funny, Sharon, because I [00:03:00] feel like I'm becoming quite the wimp now since living in Greenville. Like anytime it ducks below 40, I'm like, it's so cold outside.

Sharon: We're we're spoiled. That's for sure.

Jac: I know. Well, who knows? Maybe he will come back. You never know.

Sharon: Yeah, we'll see. Mm-hmm.

Jac: see. Well, Sharon, I would love to start,, with you sharing a bit about yourself and your background. I know obviously a little bit from my own research in your book, but for listeners who never heard about you before Yeah. Like how did you find yourself as this incredible bestselling author, like what is Sharon's story?

Sharon: I don't know how much you want to know, but, um, I'll tell you one thing that happened that really encouraged me to write this book, um, is I was raised in a pretty difficult home environment.

Well, my, my father drank a lot. My mom, um, was just a angry, bitter person. And listen, they had so many struggles of their own, they did not know how to really raise a family. However, we lived in a very nice neighborhood. My father had a. [00:04:00] Great job. Ran a building supply company. My mom had her little business, little craft shop, and from the outside we looked like just a typical American family.

Um, and we actually went to church on Sunday, but I didn't really hear that much about. I'd say the gospel there at that church. I mean, we would walk in and they'd say, how are you? And we would say, fine. Like everybody says when they go to church, but we were not fine. And there was a lot that went on behind those doors.

That was pretty frightening. When I think about it, I. And I saw things as a little child. A child should never see or heard things that a child should never hear, and I grew up just feeling so inadequate, inferior, insecure, um, just feeling like I wasn't enough. Um, and actually have another book called Enough that

tells a little bit about how to, you know, tells a lot about how to overcome those feelings of, of not enough, but there was a woman.

Down the street. She was one of my friend's mom. [00:05:00] Her name was Dole Henderson, and she's still alive today. She's 95. And um, when I was little girl, 12 years old, I started going down to the Henderson's home and I started to see what a real family, a healthy family looked like. As Mrs. Henderson and Mr.

Henderson hugged each other and they would kiss in front of us, and I loved how Mrs. Mr. Henderson was so attentive to his girls and just held their hands and, um, you know, they would kiss him on the cheek. And, and Mrs. Henderson, I loved how she encouraged her girls, and then she started using her words to encourage me.

Finally, I told her a little bit about what was going on in my house. She probably could figure it out. But you know, one thing about a little girl. Is they all want a daddy who loves them, and even though I was terrified of my own father, she began to tell me about my heavenly father who loved me, and then I started going to church with them.

I would spend the night with them on Saturday nights and then. [00:06:00] Go to church with them on Sunday, and their church was very different than ours. Now listen, this is not a denominational issue because the churches were very, they were the same denomination, but very different. One really taught the Bible and one was more like a politically correct.

We would call today. Um, church that really didn't talk about the Bible that much. But when I went, you know, I, I'll be honest with you, I thought that Mrs. Henderson was strange because she would talk about Jesus, like she knew him personally. And that was very strange to me. 'cause the name Jesus came up in the other church, but not like someone you would know personally.

But, um, so I thought that was odd. But then I started going to church with them and I saw. A whole group of people that talked about Jesus, like they knew him personally and I couldn't have explained it then. Like I know it now when I was 12 and 13, but what I had in my life was a religion. What these people had was relationship.

And I started seeing there's a big difference between having a religion [00:07:00] in a relationship. Well, then that woman started a bible study, um, in the neighborhood for teenagers. 13, going to that, 14, going to that. And when I was 14, she um, sat me down one night when I was spending the night and asked me if I was ready to accept Jesus', my personal Lord and Savior.

And I knew what that meant by that time. And I told her yes. And, and God did forever change my life that night. And it started what with a woman's

Jac: Words. I always say, yeah, a mother's word can change your child's life. And it was my mother's words who changed my life, but it was another mother. So our words are so powerful, not just when we, the words we speak to our own family, but the other kids in the neighborhood.

Sharon: And then when I had a child I made, I kept that in my, the forefront of my mind that what that woman did for me, I wanted to do for other kids. But you know what, the story doesn't stop there. And again, I don't know how much you want me to tell. It's a, it's a, long.

Jac: love it, Sharon. I [00:08:00] wanna hear it all.

Sharon: Well, I'll tell it, I'll tell this part quickly, but you know, when I became a Christian at 14, I had still had to go back home to that rough environment.

So we began to pray. My group of 14-year-old friends, we were in a Bible study. Then we began to pray for my family. Three years later, when I was 17, going into my senior year at high school, I had a chance, an opportunity to be a foreign exchange student, um, with a group of people in in France. And I. Told my friends I can't do that because see, by the time I was 14 when my parents would fight and I'm talking physical fight, um, I would break 'em up. So I said, if I leave, who's gonna help my mom? Who's gonna help my family? But my group of friends, they prayed about it and they said, we feel like God is telling us, don't you love this. Now we're

17 actually, and said, we prayed and we think you should go. Well, anyway, I did decide to go and I told my mom, I said, if anything happens, um, [00:09:00] I want you to go to Mrs.

Henderson's house and she can help you. And that night I left for the summer. My dad came home drunk, started a fight. My mom went to Mrs. Henderson's house and get this. That night, she gave her life to the Lord. So, okay, we're looking at power of somebody's words here changed a 14-year-old girl's life.

She's now 17, and then her mother comes to Christ also.

So my mom goes back home and listen. I wanna be very, very clear here. I would never suggest that a woman who's being abused. Stay with a man who's abusing her. She needs to be safe above all, and I want you to hear that. I'm not suggesting that, but my mom did go home that night and told my dad that she gave her life to the Lord and that she was going to love him no matter what, and my dad never drank again after that night.

Now, this would be hard for you to believe, but this was a time when there were, there were no email. There was no [00:10:00] email. Um, there were no cell phones.

Jac: no clue.

Sharon: You can't even, I mean, you know, this is when dinosaurs run the earth, right?

So, but anyway, I started getting letters from my friends that my parents were going to the Bible believe in church, and that they were holding hands.

And I'm like, oh my goodness, what am I coming home to? So when I came home at the end of the summer, they explained, you know, she explained what had happened and, um. But my dad said, I will not drink anymore, but, and I will go to church with you, but I can never become a Christian. Um, because there's too many things in my life.

God could never forgive a man like me. And if you're listening today and, um, you don't really know much about this thing called Christianity, you know, that is a very common thought that you gotta be good enough. But listen, we don't. I told my dad, I said, dad, if we had to be good enough, then Jesus would've never had to die on the cross for our sins.

We can never be good enough. And that's why he died in the first place. [00:11:00] That's called Grace. But Dad couldn't understand that. That was just far beyond his. Comprehension, but dad, but God wasn't through with my dad. So now let's fast forward till I'm 21. So my, my dad was being sued in our small town and, um, it was not where I live now.

It was a very small town in Eastern North Carolina. And he had, um, broken a contract, a business contract, a competitive, um, agreement contract. He was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Now I'm gonna tell you this really fast. He came home 'cause he needed my mom. My mom wasn't there. She had gone to Pennsylvania to a craft shop convention.

Now don't ask me what they do at craft shop conventions. My dad got in the car from North Carolina, drove to Pennsylvania to find her. Couldn't find her. Stopped by a church and ask is it was a Catholic church. Actually, we weren't Catholic, but I think he just saw a steeple and stopped and he said, I need someone to pray [00:12:00] for me as a priest here.

And she said, no, the priest isn't here. But I know a Baptist pastor who's out in the woods building his church right now. She drew him a map on a scratch piece of paper. My dad got in the car, followed that piece of paper, that map, and found a man actually hammering nail building his church, hammering his hand.

And Jesus in his heart is what I like to say. But, um, dad just drove up to the stranger and said, I need you to pray for me. The man said, Alan, you know, watch your name. He said, my name is Allen. Sat down on a log and, um. Then he said, tell me your story. And my dad began to tell him, and I think he must have gone through a very long list of all the things he had done.

And then listen, that sweet pastor put his hand around my dad, and he said, now, Alan, let me tell you what I've done. And the way that my dad explained it is everything that I had done, this man had done too. And I knew that if God could forgive him and he could become a pastor, then he could forgive me. So [00:13:00] my dad accepted Christ six years after me in the woods of Pennsylvania with a man I'll never know.

Um, and how did it start? It started with the words of a woman. In my neighborhood and my dad became one of the sweetest men, um, that, that I've ever known. Now, let me go back to that story because this is so important When we think about the words we say to someone and what we don't say. Um, my father had been going to a great church now for three years, but he never hurt anyone who had done what he had done.

Now the question is, were there people like that There. Absolutely, but nobody was talking about it. It took God sending him all the way to Pennsylvania, hundreds of miles away for a man who was not ashamed of their story.

To tell my dad his story, see when Jesus was resurrected from the dead, this hit me so much when I was studying it one Easter, and he walked into that room with the disciples.

They didn't know who he [00:14:00] was. Well, of course they weren't expecting him, that's for sure. But they didn't know who he was when he appeared until he did what. He held out his hands and he showed his scars and I was written, held up his tunic, showed his scars, and God really impressed me that on me one day and said, you know, they didn't know who he was till they saw his scars, and that's how people still know Jesus today.

When you're not ashamed to use your scars and tell your story.

Jac: so true. Wow, Sharon, I got the chills from that. I didn't know that entire backstory. I mean, you didn't mention it in the, in this book in particular, but what a story.

Sharon: Yeah, I do have it in, in some other books, um, particularly one where there's one called Your Scars are Beautiful to God, which kind of bounces off of the story of Jesus in that, that room. But then in my, another one is called, when You Don't Like Your Story, what if Your Worst Chapters could become Your Greatest Victories?

And see for that man in the woods. He was using his stories and that was one of his greatest victories because other people were able to see [00:15:00] Jesus in him. And there's a verse in Revelation that said they overcame him talking about the devil. They overcame him in the end times by the blood of the lamb and the word of their testimony.

And that's how much power we have in our stories is, I mean, it's in the same sentence with the blood of the limbs. That's So true. Wow, that's incredible. So then Sharon, I'm confused. So you weren't a teacher because I heard you talk about your, your students and the power of a woman's word like this, this student Teddy Stallard. 

Yeah, that wasn't me. Yeah, Teddy. That story wasn't about me. That was about, um, yeah. Yeah. That wasn't about me, but, um, that story was about, was about his teacher and the amazing effect that, that she had on just like, that would be a fun story to

Jac: This makes so much more sense. Yeah, well I was just saying the story of Teddy Stallard in this book was very, inspirational for me. And again, it's a great testament to, again, just the power of words. But could you share that story with listeners because I was very touched by it.

Sharon: Yeah. [00:16:00] Um, well this lady was, um, a teacher and, um, she knew that there shouldn't be students in her class that you don't like. You just shouldn't have favorites and you shouldn't have ones you don't like. But there was the one in her class that she just really didn't like. His name was Teddy. He, um, kind of smelled funny.

He was dirty. His hair always hung in his face. And, um, she. Would enjoy writing. And this sounds terrible. She would enjoy writing poor work, um, on his paper and marking things out on his paper. And she decided that, you know, he was just not gonna pass fourth grade and, but he'd been passed along all these years, but this year, no passing.

So, um, Christmas time rolled around and that's when the, the teachers gathered the students in. You get all the kind of gift teacher gifts, you know, the mugs and the plaques and that, that kind of thing. So, um, she gathered the kids [00:17:00] around and um, she saw the gifts and she thought she knew which one was from Teddy.

'cause it was wrapped in like a, a brown paper bag with Christmas trees drawn on it. So somehow in like in the middle of opening the present, she opened Teddy's and one was a bottle of perfume. That was half empty. And she said, thank you, Teddy. And then she opened the next one and it was a bracelet, rhinestone bracelet with some of the rhinestones missing.

Thank you, Teddy. She held it up and let the, the girls, ew and I over it and put some of the perfume on their wrists. Um, and then she opened the rest of the presents and it was time for school to end. And she said, um, bye kids. See you next year. Well, Teddy hung back and he went up to the teacher and he said, you know, I'm so glad that you liked that bracelet because you see, that was my mom's bracelet, and, and it looks just as pretty on you [00:18:00] as it did on her.

And then he said, in that perfume, it smells just as good on you as it did on her. And then that teacher closed the door and just wept. And she decided, she knew that she had not been the teacher that, that Teddy had needed all that time. She knew it and she decided that she was gonna be a better teacher to him.

She went, actually, I'm gonna have to read you this part. She actually went to look at his records, um, and to see, um, of what had happened to him over the years. And what she found was that the first year, um, they wrote in his records it says, first grade Teddy shows promise by work and attitude, but he has a poor home situation.

Second grade Teddy could do better. Mother terminally ill, he has very little help at home. And [00:19:00] then. Third grade. Teddy is a pleasant boy, helpful, too serious, slow learner. Mother passed away at the end of the year, so here he was in the fourth grade and she decided, I'm gonna help this boy get up to where he needs to be scholastically.

And she began to tutor him. Keep him after school work with him and his grades improved and actually he caught up to where he should have been and passed some of the other kids. So she was kind of proud of herself for how she had helped Teddy. He went on to, to graduate from high school and then she got a letter from Teddy

Jac: I love this part.

Sharon: and she just said.

He, he said, dear Mrs. Thompson, that was the teacher's name. Dear Ms. Thompson, I just wanted you to be the first to know I'll be graduating second in my class from high school. On May 25th. Very truly yours, Teddy Stallard. Then there was another letter that came some years later and it said, dear Ms.

Thompson, I was [00:20:00] just informed today that I'll be graduating first in my class. The university has been a little tough, but I'll miss it. Very truly yours. Teddy Stallard. Then he got a, she got another one a few years later. Dear Ms. Thompson, I just wanted you to be the first to know as of today, I am Thedo, J md.

How about that? I'm going to be married July 27th, and I'm hoping that you can come and sit where my mother would've sat if she were here. I'll have no family as my dad died last year. Now, what happened there? This was one teacher. Who decided she was gonna make a difference in a little boy's life. And I often say our words can change the course of someone's life.

You know, we had, there's a verse in him, in James that talks about the, the power of the tongue. And it says it's like a rudder on a ship. And you think a rudder's, very small [00:21:00] ship is very large, but that one little thing can change the course of where that ship goes. And you think about a, a fire.

One little spark can start a whole fire, and one little word from a person can change the whole course of someone's life.

And we have that power every day.

Jac: So true, Sharon. That just reminds me too, I mean, some of you know, the most incredible people I've spoken with have had stories where they were younger, right? And their teachers spoke negatively about their work. Like Mark Batterson, who I'm sure you've heard of, Dr. Josh Acts, right? These people who have gone on to produce so much incredible inspirational work were once told at some point, you know, you're not a writer or you're dyslexic, or you'll, you'll never amount to anything.

And again, I mean, they didn't, they chose to not listen, number one. But more importantly, they also had someone later on in their lives who spoke positively, right? Kind of overrode that initial negative feedback. Um, so all that to say, yeah, I couldn't [00:22:00] agree more with that. And another question for you, Sharon, is, you know, you mentioned that sometimes God puts people on our path, right?

Who quietly need that encouragement. How do we recognize those people, right? And, and how do we actually speak life over them?

Sharon: Uh, well, for, for me, um, I, my relationship with, with God helps me to be more at tuned to those people. I think it's, um, once you become a Christian, you receive this gift called the Holy Spirit, and that Holy Spirit kind of makes you in tune to that. However, you have to pay attention. Now, I was thinking about this yesterday actually, when I was out and um, sometimes you get those nudges and you're just like, oh, that seems so weird.

I, the person's gonna think I'm weird if I do that. And I decided a long time ago that I would rather air on the side of obedience. So whether or not they think I'm nuts or not. [00:23:00] I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it. Um, let me, you know, just as simple a mom in a grocery store with a crying kid, you know, just tell her you're doing such a good job.

I know this is hard. Uh, when I check out somewhere, I, I try to find something to compliment. The, the cashier on your nails show are pretty today, or how'd you get your hair to do that? Or, you know, just something you're doing a great job, uh, in restaurants, you know, I always, I tell my friends and family, if you're gonna put complaint in a restaurant, please don't pray before you're, before you eat.

You know, because people are watching us, all those Christians over there, they're gonna complain about the meal. So, um, I always make sure to. Compliment the waitstaff. Um, and this is kinda odd thing with me, but if someone has a tattoo now somebody's bristles just went up. I know, but I ask about their tattoo.

I mean, what a easy way to enter into a conversation. Um, there was, for example, there was this one young man working in a taco store and he had [00:24:00] this odd, um, tattoo. It was like a, a zigzag. A heart, I mean not as a heart, a zigzag and a cross. I said, that is so interesting. What does that mean? He said, well, my mother has the other half of the tattoo, and it is a heart with the zigzag, and when you put 'em together, it shows my mom loved me to Jesus.

What an awesome story, and it meant so much that I would even stop and ask. Um, another example of a tattoo question. I was, um, at the beach. We spent a lot of time on the coast in North Carolina and, um, the, the waitress had a, a tattoo that, something about it made me sad. I mean, just seemed like it was a sad one and I asked her about it and she's.

Told me about how it represented something that really, um, difficult happened in her life. And, you know, from that time we have struck up a, a friendship talking to her. I went back, I took her the book, when You Don't Like Your [00:25:00] Story, she read it. She passed it around the, the kitchen and the restaurant.

They all read it. She said they, we all cried. But see, it all started with, uh, engaging in a conversation. 

With the white staff. Such a easy thing to do. Uh, lemme give you an example in my life too, talking about people who were told they can't write. Uh, my, as I mentioned, my degree in colleges and dental hygiene, all science and math, I took one English class and that was the one I had to take to, to get my degree.

But, um. And when my husband was helping me pack up my parents' house, um, in the attic, there was every cliff note you could imagine. I mean, I had Cliff notes. He said, did you ever read a book in high school? I said, I don't think so. But I always loved the Bible and studying the Bible. So when my son was born, I went back and got a high school reading list and read all the books I was supposed to have read in high school.

And God just [00:26:00] opened up part of my, my brain actually for this whole writing thing. And I started writing stories, devotionals, bible studies. But I had so little confidence. Well, finally, a friend of mine, actually it was Lisa Kert, you've probably heard of her too. Um, we went to a, a writing class, uh, down in Florida.

It was for Christian leaders and authors and speakers, and we went to this class and, um, I was in a small group. This lady was teaching the group and scared to death, knees knocking. I mean. Thinking the whole time, what am I doing here? Right? I can't write, I could barely even spell in in elementary school.

But, um, after the class, her name was Gail Roper, the teacher, and she said, she pulled me aside. She said, I want you to know God is gonna use you in your writing and because of the kind of personality that you have, she could already tell that. I was more on the, the melancholy, if you know that. Those four different personality types, not a sanguine.[00:27:00] 

Um, she said, I can tell you're the type of person who's gonna want to quit. You're gonna want to quit a lot, but I'm gonna tell you right now that you need to keep pressing forward 

and thir 26 books later. I still remember those words that Gail spoke to me that day. Now I'm sure I. You know, just why does she pull me outside?

I don't know. But it's so important that we do that and speak truth and speak life into people. I think, um, I was, let's see, I was engaged, um, 23 years old. I was at a bookstore and I was with my husband. Honestly, this was, I'm going to just age myself right here, but this was in 1981. 1980. 1980. And I'm sure my dress was too short.

I'm sure my tan was too dark and I was a giggly thing. And um, I was standing there looking at books and this tiny [00:28:00] African American woman with gray hair, little plats in her hair, um, came up to me and she just looked at me. And then she said to me, put her hand on my arm, and she said, young lady, one day you're gonna preach the word of God

Jac: Wow.

Sharon: and being the polite southern girl, I said, thank you so much for sharing that with me.

And then she turned and left and I laughed. I did. I said, that was the craziest thing I've ever heard. But then when I started writing and speaking, my heart went back to that little lady in that bookstore.

And, but it was a prophecy. But here's the thing, the reason I told you what I looked like that day, do you, can you imagine the courage that it took her to come up to this giggly little girl?

I wasn't a little girl, I was 23. But to me, looking back, it seems like a little girl, um, and say that, you know how much curse that [00:29:00] had, but she heard something from God and did it, and all the, you know, she will never know the impact she had. And we will most of the time never know the impact we have on people.

And listen, we don't need to know. We just don't need to know. We just need to be obedient and use our words to bless other people. You know, in the book I talk about using our words to. Impact our children, our children, period. Um, our husbands friends, um, the body of Christ going out into the world, which is mostly what we've been talking about right here.

And then when the, the book was Rereleased about eight years ago, and I added a chapter called, um, the Power of a Woman's Words to Her. because girl, that is a whole nother topic. You're, you're an adult child, you know? And, um, um, so yeah, we, we added that. 'cause if we, you know, talking about, going back to the, the [00:30:00] boat on the rudder and the, the rudder guiding the ship, you know, when, um.

Your kid becomes an adult, you are not guiding that ship anymore. And if you don't change the sale on the direction of your words when it comes to adult children, you're gonna be in some pretty rough waters. So, um, it's important that we look at how we're using our words with adult children, and I think.

People listening. I mean, you think about words that your parents might've spoken to you, um, and, um, you think, Ooh, I wish they hadn't have said that. And so we wanna be very aware of how our words need to change, um, as our kids move into adulthood. Uh, another thing too, and I know I'm not letting you talk very much, but, um, there's so much to say about our 

words. 

Jac: you're saying.

Sharon: But with husbands, I mean, marriages are so in trouble today and that's Christians are not. Um, and, and people I've often heard the main. The main problem with marriages, and I don't think I'm gonna get these in order, but it's money, sex, and in-laws were [00:31:00] the three main problems, um, that marriages struggle with.

But I think it's the words we say about money, sex, and in-laws. So it really all goes back to the words we say and con controlling them and using them in a positive way. Instead of a negative way and, and learning how to do it. Learning, it's, it's a process to learn how to use your words in a positive way.

I think the negative for some reason, comes naturally. You know, maybe it's just that sin of nature. It just comes naturally. But we have to learn how to speak life to, to those in our sphere of influence.

Jac: So true. And also to ourselves, right? Sharon, one of my all time favorite authors is Norman Vincent Peel. I just like, every single year, I reread the po, the power of positive thinking, and I have all of his quotes like plastered on my walls. If you were here, you would see them. But, um, everything he says is just such truth.

And I really try to focus on that. And one of the things he says too, right, is like the words you [00:32:00] speak to yourself. Um, and for me, like that's kind of looked like I, I'm a big affirmation person and I just speak the word whenever I'm feeling fear or anxiety, right? Like for, I just, I speak scripture over my life.

And over the past year or so, I've really learned how powerful that is when you ingrain truth in your subconscious. Um, all that to say you include these amazing lists of power packed words in this book of just, you know, phrases you probably shouldn't say, whether it's to your spouse or your child or a friend.

And then you replace them with phrases you should say. Can you give us just some examples of what some of those phrases might look like?

Sharon: Sure. Mm-hmm. I remember the first time I did an interview on this book, I think it was at. The 700 club, I think. And, um, the, the gal reading the don't say, she was like, oh, oh, you know, it was just killing her toes. Um, let's see. Let's go to children. Um, here's some things [00:33:00] not to say and, and let me say this is, this is really good.

I want you to, to maybe put this in your show notes, these lists of words to say and not to say to your children and your husbands and your adult children. You can get them for free on my website.

Okay. It is, um, it's under a freebie, sharon janes.com. And my last name's kind of odd to make sure you see how to spell that, but under the freebies page, there's these that you can print out.

So, but let's talk about some of them. Um, with our children, these are words that can crush the child's heart. You should, you ought, you can't do anything, right? You're driving me crazy. You make me so upset. You make me so mad. Why did you do that? Most of the time they have no idea why they did that. Why did you do that?

I've told you a thousand times. You'll never learn what's wrong with you. Okay. Now let's see some things that they do want to hear. Um, great job. I'm so glad that you're my son or daughter. I love spending time with you. I'll never [00:34:00] forget the day that you were born. You're fantastic. I've loved the way you fix your hair.

Good thinking. You give the best hugs. You were so brave. And then giving them compliments on what they do, the how they perform, but also who they are. You were so strong. You talked about those affirmations you have in your in your studio about who you really are. Speak that over them. And again, in the word enough, that just tells us how to renew our mind with the truth by speaking those affirmations about who we really are as a child of.

God. Um, I can always count on you. Um, things that just make a child feel so good. There's a very long list. I think there's over 50 of those informations

in here, so there's, there's plenty of those to pick from.

Jac: I'll include that in the show notes. And Sharon, similar to your story, I'm sure many listeners grew up in, you know, homes where words were harsh, were critical, were withheld altogether. How does someone in that [00:35:00] situation begin to, I guess, recognize and unlearn those patterns? Because that, I'm sure, can be very challenging.

Sharon: It is challenging and I had to do that. Um, here's something that you won't find in this book again. It is in another book. The word, the book, enough silencing the lies that steal your Confidence. Um, see I became a Christian at 14. Both of my parents became Christians. By the time I was 21, but you know, before that I always felt so inadequate, insecure, inferior, and when I became a Christian girl, those feelings didn't go away.

As a matter of fact, I had a new one. I'm a not a good enough Christian. Just that whole underlying feeling of not enough. Then I, I grew up, I got married. Um, I taught, started teaching some bible studies in my church that I was in, but there was an older woman there who kind of took me under her wing and, um, she knew that something wasn't quite right.

And what wasn't quite right is I had no [00:36:00] idea who I really was as a child of God. I mean, I'd read those, I'd read those verses in the New Testament about who we are as as children of God, but I didn't really believe that it was true about me. Now, here's something about our brains, our brain. Now I'm going to get a little technical on here, but our brains have something called Neurono Neurological Pathways.

And those neurological pathways are like a truck that has been going down a dirt road time and time again, and after a while you don't even have to steer that truck. You just get on the path, let go, and it goes down the road by itself. Well, that's what happens with those neurological pathways or like highways in your brain.

You have these ruts in your brain with thoughts that you've thought time and time again. Excuse me. And your thoughts automatically go there. You mess up. You say, I'm a failure. Why do you say that? Because that's the way [00:37:00] you've always seen yourself. You don't think I just failed? No. And this is what the devil does.

He will take something you did and try to make it who you are. So we have to be very cognizant of that. So Mary Marshall told me to make a list of everything that the Bible said that I could find in the New Testament about who I was. As a child of God. And then she told me to read that every day. And you know what I, I started to believe the truth.

God came to me, and when I say that, he didn't speak in an audible voice, but it was a thought that I know was from him, that Holy Spirit we talked about earlier and said are, do you believe the word of God is true? Yes, I believe that. Do you believe that? I am telling the truth. Yes. I believe that. And it was a decision that I had to make.

There was a bumper sticker probably before you were born, and it said, um,

Jac: Sharon. I was born in 95.

Sharon: you way before you were born, it [00:38:00] said, um, the bumper sticker sent, God said it. I believe it, that settles it. But listen, God said it and that settles it, whether we believe it or not. But it's not gonna have the power in our lives until we do believe it. So, and it also says in Romans, it says that, um, do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by, and you know, this.

The renewing of your mind, the renewing of your mind, and when you have that list of who you are in Christ, you start reading that over and over. You are renewing your mind with the truth. Now, as science often does it, it discovers something that we already see in the Bible, which it says, going back to the neurological pathways.

See when you go back and you renewing your mind with the truth, you know what you're doing. You're changing the neurological pathways in your brain and you start getting that truck off the ruts and making new highways in your brain, making [00:39:00] new neurological pathways. And that's, um. That's what the Bible says happens.

And I began to change the way I thought. And you know what? Those feelings of insecurity, inadequacy, inferiority, they began to fade as I now started having confidence in who I was as a child of God. And you know what? I would've never written a book, not one. If I hadn't learned that lesson, if I hadn't learned who I really was, what I really had and where I was, which is in Christ, um, I would've never, none of that would've happened if I had not renewed my mind with the truth and thinking of that question, do I believe that God tells the truth?

And the question is, do you believe that God tells the truth about you? Now, I'm gonna get back and just say, some people are thinking, man, that's good. How in the world do you do that? How do you do it? Let me give you four steps. [00:40:00] One, and, and, um, and. This is, if one is, we have to first believe that there is an enemy who wants to destroy us.

So the first step is to realize the enemy's true identity and that we read in the Bible started in Genesis chapter three in the garden where the enemy came and what the first thing he did was lie. To Adam and Eve, basically telling him, you think you've got it good here. If you disobey God, you will really have what you want.

Okay? That was in Genesis three. He also shows up in with Jesus in the garden. Same thing, telling him lies and how did Jesus fight the lows? Lies. This is how I did it. First, recognize the enemy's true identity, real, I'm sorry. Realize the enemy's true identity. The second thing is recognize the lies. We've got to recognize what we're telling ourselves about ourselves, and if we don't recognize the lies, we'll never be [00:41:00] able to change.

We've gotta realize that they are lies. See my husband. He's, um, just retired, but for 40 years, every day he got up at six o'clock, he took a shower, he shaved, he put change in his pocket. He left the house and it beeped, and the, the alarm beeped and I didn't get up. Right then. We were in the same room, in the same bed.

But you know what? After a while, I've never heard it. I didn't hear anything. It's like if you or an apartment or a house, you'd live by a train track. In the first night, you think I will never sleep again when that train goes by. But about three days you don't notice it. You get used to it. Same way with the lies we tell ourselves, we get used to it and we don't recognize it's lies.

So we gotta recognize the lie. Once you recognize it, then you reject it and we say that is not true, which is exactly what Jesus did. And here's the fourth step, is replace that lie with truth. You've already done that. You mentioned today [00:42:00] how when you, you think one of those negative things about yourself, what do you do with it?

Jac: You fill it with the truth, you 

Sharon: You feel it Absolutely. You feel it with the truth and then when you replace the lies with truth and you keep doing it, new neurological pathways, new way of thinking and everything changes. It's not that you weren't that before, but we honestly didn't believe it. 

Jac: So true. I. 

Sharon: the truth.

Jac: Yeah, I love all of this so much, Sharon. This is so timely because I recently had, I'm sure you've heard of Dr. Leaf, Dr. Caroline Leaf on the podcast like two or so weeks ago. But we spoke about neuroplasticity, right? And I wanna emphasize the fact that neuroplasticity applies at any age, right?

So someone in their eighties might think, oh, my mind is fixed. I can't change my thought patterns. That is not true, and that is not what science, you know, shows us today. So it's very encouraging. It's so fascinating. And it wasn't quite until I realized that you have to replace that thought, right? You can't just suppress a [00:43:00] negative thought, but actually replace it with truth that your feelings then become aligned with truth, right?

And like I had my cousin, I'll have to send you the episode, Sharon. I had my cousin and my aunt who were both like. Just wonderful spiritual mentors to me. And one thing they always emphasize is the fact that feelings are not facts, right? Feelings are not truth. So just because you're feeling, you know, fear or anxiety like that is not what God has given us.

God has not given us a spirit of fear, but if power, love, and a sound mind, and over time, you know, it's like you'll find that as you pursue those actions, right? And actually taking those thoughts captive, the feelings that you have tend to follow suit with the action. And I think for a lot of listeners, and I used to be like this, I'd often tell myself, oh, I have to feel a certain way before I can execute this.

Right? But that's not true. Feelings actually follow the action itself, and that has been such a game changer for 

Sharon: Mm-hmm. 

Jac: my thoughts captive.

Sharon: Absolutely. Uh, you know, I'd love, love that verse that you're talking about. [00:44:00] Um, I remember being at a rodeo in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, and, but, um, you know, as I watched that happening time and time again, I thought that is such a good picture of taking every thought captive. Because if you've ever seen a rodeo, you know this little calf. Comes out of the gate, the cowboy comes up out of his gate and then he goes up and tries to lasso the calf to capture it.

And that's what happens. We have this thought that pops out of our mind, and then we ride up beside it. We lasso it with the th word of truth and throw it back in the ground. You know where it comes from and the quicker we do it. The better. We need to take those thought captive. And then it goes on to say to the obedience of Christ.

And again, obedience is believing. God tells the truth and believing what God says about us is true. Um, another thing I have on my website is a, a laminated card that you can stick in your Bible that has all is got over 50 of the [00:45:00] affirmations about, about who we are

Jac: I love that. I'll have to get that, Sharon.

I love that. And I'm, I'm so curious too, what does that look like for you tactically, taking your thoughts, captor, right? So we spoke about affirmations, right? Replacing that with the truth. But let's say, you know, you have a thought, you know it's not truth. What do you do in that moment?

Do you start reciting affirmations? Do you journal? Do you get the thoughts out of your head? I'm always so curious, like what works for different people?

Sharon: Well, mine is actually just those, those four steps I gave you. First of all, recognize where the thought came from. I mean, if I'm having a thought that says, you are such a loser. You can't do anything. Right. Well, where did that thought come from? Well, it's coming from those, those deep ruts in my brain for sure.

But the enemy's making sure those ruts stay there. So he's, he's the one saying you can't do anything. Right. And the thing is, when the enemy puts a thought in your head. Most of the time we don't know it's the enemy unless you're paying close attention. I mean, it's not like he [00:46:00] says, hello, I'm the enemy.

I'm gonna put a thought in your head. No. And he can't read your mind. Listen, devil cannot read your mind. All he is gotta do though is watch you and see what your action patterns are. See, and he knows exactly where your weaknesses are and those lies that you think are, are very specifically designed for you.

So I'm not good enough. I can't do anything right. I know they didn't come from God because that's not what scriptures say. So then I reject that lie and say, that's not true. And then I replace it with the truth. I am a child of God. I can do all things that God's called me to do through Christ who strengthens me, and I start replacing it with, with the truth that, um, that he's, that he's got in his word.

Okay, here's another free thing on the, um, I love giving away free things. Okay. Okay. Okay. And, uh, if you go to my website on the homepage, it has a place you can sign up for. I do a weekly devotion that comes out, and when you sign up for that, you get [00:47:00] 70 common lies we believe and the truth that replaces them.

So you'll have this list that you can print out, and I bet you that the lie that whoever's listening is telling themselves is on. That sheet. 'cause there's one thing I know about the enemy. He's very effective, but he's not very creative. So the same thing that he speaks to you, he speaks to me and I just said that the, the lies are particular for you.

But yes, they are, but still, he's only got a certain amount that he can pull from. He's not creative, very effective because he knows what works and he tells the same lies to us that, you know, he did with. Starting with Adam and Eve in the garden in chapter three, and the only weapon he has is really lies because if he can get in control of our, of our emotions and our mind, then the actions will follow.

So 70 common lies, we believe replace them with 70 [00:48:00] truths from the Bible that counteract 

Jac: I love that. Sharon, this has been such a wonderful conversation. You are a wealth of information. I definitely want to have you on for another episode. I can't believe we're nearing 12 o'clock. The time has flown.

Sharon: It has.

Jac: But with that, if someone, um, only remembered one thing from this book, what would you want it to be?

Sharon: Um, one thing from this book, I, I think it's that the words we speak are so powerful. We need to remember. That our words are the mirrors in which other people see themselves.

Jac: Hmm.

Sharon: So the words we speak is how someone sees themselves for good or for bad.

Jac: So true. What was the quote? I actually had written this, um, I wrote this quote down 'cause I never read it before. And you highlighted it. It was the one by go to. Um, let me see if I could find it. 'cause I just, I loved [00:49:00] it so much and it spoke to me. Oh yeah. Treat a man as he appears to be and you make him worse.

Treat him as if he already were what he could be and you help him become it.

Sharon: Yes. Yes.

Jac: That's the essence of this book, I feel like right 

there. 

Sharon: Yeah.

Jac: Yeah. Well, Sharon, again, this has been such a joy having you on. I'm excited for round two. But with that, where can listeners find you? Where can they pick up all of your wonderful books, including the Power of A Woman's Words?

I will link, um, everything you've shared thus far in the show notes, but for your website, Instagram handle, can you share that with us so listeners know where to find you?

Sharon: Okay. Um, my website is Sharon Janes, and it's J-A-Y-N-E-S sharon janes.com. Um, on Instagram also it's Sharon e Janes on Instagram, uh, Facebook. On Facebook too. Again, Facebook, Sharon Janes and I have two other Facebook pages. One is called the Praying Wives [00:50:00] Club, all of that. And then the Praying Moms Club 'cause I have a couple books on prayer there.

Um, on my website. You know, there's so many free things that, that you can download. And again, I've got the weekly email, the devotion that goes out. As far as the books, you can get 'em on my website. You can also get 'em on amazon christian books.com. Um, just. Part anywhere that you would order books from, normally they, they can get these books for you.

Jac: Awesome. Sounds great. Well, I'll link all of that in the show notes. And my last question for you, Sharon, this is always my favorite one to ask, and that is, what does being well and strong mean to you?

Sharon: Well and strong, I think. Well boy, that encompasses so much. Um, when God created us, he created us with a body, a soul, and a spirit. And the soul is actually the mind, the will and emotions. That's a lot, but I think being well encompasses all of that. It includes the body, the soul, and the [00:51:00] spirit. And, um, that's what being well means to me, being strong.

Um, listen, I cannot be strong on my own. I have tried. It doesn't work. So there's a scripture that says, be strong in the Lord for, for me. Personally, to be well and to be strong in my mind, my body, and my spirit, my mind, my will and emotions as this upset. Um, the only way that I can do that is having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, and by staying in God's words, um, and being a woman of.

Prayer, and I don't mean that as a trite thing. That sounds so christianese, I realize as that's coming outta my mouth. But you know what, it's the truth.

Jac: Yeah.

Sharon: It's actually the truth. And I, I'm not just saying that to give a Christian pat answer, but, but it is the truth.

Jac: I love that so much, Sharon. That's essentially my mission statement right there that you just, uh, iterated. So couldn't agree more. Again, it's been such a joy having you on and I'm so excited to share this with [00:52:00] listeners and cannot wait for round two with you.

Sharon: Thank you. Good. I was so glad to be here.

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Jacqueline Genova

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